Palestines Riot in Israel Jail

This evening's Google Headline: "Palestines Riot in Israel Jail"

"This is just not how we imagined things would be. We are used to different things in our prisons and we had only imagined that prisons elsewhere would and should be like ours" said one prisoner of the conditions in the Israeli prisons."

Outside of the daily torturing and starvation that occurs here in a prison near Ramallah, two gentleman, [pictured right] preferring to remain anonymous although perfectly fine with their photographs being published, have taken it upon them to make sure that prisoners here begin to have the rights they deserve.

"First off, there's no weights, no gym. We wanna look good just like everyone else. It's not like we're pumping up to beat up the guards or anything. Although, that's not a bad idea."

"Cable TV too. We are so deprived to begin with as citizens, being informed through cable TV, comedy central, and the Oxygen Network will help rehabilitate our prisoners and have them back safely to our country. Many of these prisoners are being held for no apparent reason. The least that could be done is give them some decent food. McDonald's is good. Real good."

The unidentified but pictured lawyers have seen some progress to their work: 2 year old Alysha, a Palestinian girl was released from prison last year, although there still remains some question about her crimes, namely: Drooling a bit, Giggling, and being totally cute. Her mother still remains in prison.

The riots which happened earlier this week were in response to the prisoners not being able to have 'Kickball Saturday's' and 'Movie Mondays'. Oh, also something about Israeli guards shooting rubber bullets at the prisoners for no reason and some other hub-bub that hurt a lot of people.

All told, much work here is still required to find peace between these two warring nations. And with the help of these photographed and nameless lawyers, perhaps the appropriate steps have been put in motion.

For more on this story: BBC NEWS

Pope decries 'religious' violence

Tonight's Google headline: Pope decries 'religious' violence.

"We [team Heaven] got down there [to Hell] a couple of times and hurt ourselves [bruised wings], which is somewhat frustrating [sacrifice]. We have got to get better at protecting the quarterback [Jesus].

"Being a senior, I hope I am one of our go-to guys. I just try to keep making plays [God's handiwork]. Every game in this league [Heaven] is a must-win. Tonight, we won, but the defense [Angels & Saints] definitely saved out butts. To tell you the truth, I'm not that happy right now. I think we let a good opportunity [conversion] slip away.

"Ultimately [Day of Reckoning] it comes down to not being able to run the football [The Bible]. We're just not playing good enough.

"He [Jesus] has a tremendous arm and his receivers [the Apostles] make nice catches. He is a good player, and is a great threat running the ball."

"We played hard, just not hard enough [Old Testament] ... We need to break the culture of losing around here [Vengeance of God]."

Oh, and Pope Benedict decries that religion should never be vehicles for hatred and violence. Thanks for the update, Ben, but I think you're a bit late with that one.

JK Rowling Outs Dumbeldore as Gay

JK Rowling, on a book tour, announced yesterday, to a packed audience at New York's Carnegie Hall, that one of her characters, Hogwart's headmaster, Dumbeldore....is Gay. That's right...Gay. Apparently, the audience in attendance "gasped then applauded". They were just so plum happy that Dumbeldore was out of the closet and able to fully enjoy his life as a fictional homosexual character.

A number of other fictional characters in attendance, namely Roger & Jessica Rabbit (currently undergoing divorce proceedings), Tweety Bird, and the series own, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Harry Potter gave praise to Dumbeldore.

"It's an extremely brave, bold move for professor Dumbeldore to come out. I've known he was a little queer from day one, but attributed his eccentricities to Hogwart's environment. It's a very open, expressive venue, and I'm just glad we can all be as fictionally expressive as possible." Ron Weasley said of Dumbeldore.

Severus Snape, had an alternative point of view on Dumbeldore's news. "I think he's trying to get attention. It's no mystery to everyone at Hogwart's that the man liked to pinch a bit of ass here and there. We just turned a blind eye because Dumbeldore was in charge of payroll. So what! He's a gay wizard! I'm evil...you don't hear me touting that around as if it's a milestone."

All told, the announcement by Ms. Rowling is definitely big news. Gay rights activists hope this is a step in the right direction for fictional gay characters.

A link to the original article: BBC News