Penn Station Toilet Upgrade Adds Smiles

Tonight's "Google" Headline: Penn Station Toilet Upgrade Adds Smiles

Not more than a month ago did the Port Authority of New York's Penn Station acquire six barely-used toilets from the International Space Station and tonight, in an unprecedented event led by Mayor Michael Bloomberg's official plumber, Vic Nahem, were these remarkable and state of the art machines put into official use.

"These are gonna change the way people go to the bathroom. I mean, literally. They do all the sucking and zoomin' and stuffin' that normal toilets can't do," Mr. Nahem said of the machines.

Mayor Bloomberg's office issued this press release which was read at the unveiling:

"There is something to be said about this city when we can get the best of the best. Throughout history, we've looked to the starry heavens for many, many reasons. Who would have thought we would be looking to them for toilets?"

The six toilets from the International Space Station were decommissioned last year after routine difficulty with cleaning schedules and administrative decisions which allowed astronauts to wear diapers in and out of orbit.

The toilets do not come free however. Each use will cost around fifty-cents, which will go to cleaning an upkeep. Approximately 18.5 million was set aside for this project but it has had no effect on the lingering urine and bleached ca-ca smell emanating from stalls nearby. After these toilets have been given a 'test-run', additional toilets similar to these may be in the works for additional locations throughout the city, a spokesperson said.